Caught Between Phantasies
by ParanoiaPoliticianDiva77
Summary: ParodyWhen Christine decides to return to Eriks lair ALW Movie she gets more than she bargained for...alot more. Evry Phans phantasy has become Christine's nightmare with so many Eriks she doesnt know where to turn. Every adaptation possible included
1. Chapter One

_I got so bored with writing normal phics i just wanted to let off a little steam and write a parody styled thing. Where the plot of Christine returning to Erik meets a congregation of different eriks meets a phan stumbles upon the lair. The Christine is Emmy Rossum's version-I love her to pieces but couldn't resist taking the mickey out of her. Enjoy!_

* * *

"

Christine stumbled down the many passageways, sure she would find him, hopeful she would find him; he could not have left, he could not have died.

Life with Raoul was not what she had hoped; over the years he had grown less like the man she loved and more like the man she did not know. Three years now and he was openly having affairs and she could not stand it anymore.

Remembering the last time she had seen him, crying as they left, wet and singing softly watching her and Raoul leave on his gondola. She hoped dearly he was still here, that he did not hate her too much to not talk to her.

Flicking a long curl off her shoulders she blinked her dark brown chocolate eyes, tears now pouring down her pale face as she thought about how awful she had made things.

Wading through the water Christine came to the familiar cave, gate open as she heard the music floating through the tunnels.

But Erik did not sit at the organ; some other man, with a similar white mask sat in his place. He had a light brown wig as opposed to Erik's near-black one. He was paler than Christine and much older than Erik. Hearing her approach he stood and turned; he was wearing a different suit to the one Erik usually wore. Who was this tall thin man?

The stranger put his hands upon his hips and raised one eyebrow.

"What in the name of gerberas are you doing here you little hussy?" he said, looking at Christine with an unimpressed smirk upon his face.

"Uhh...I...who are you? Where's Erik?" Christine spat out, her eyes searching the man's face, trying to understand why he wore a mask like Erik's. But it was bigger-it covered more of his forehead and chin and was thicker.

"I am Erik thank you very much" he said with a hurt look upon his face.

"I'm sure you must be mistaken...I mean my Angel of Music...Erik...the phantom" she stuttered, unsure of what was going on.

To her surprise the Erik she remembered emerged from a farther room and dropped the pile of music he held as he stared at her.

"Erik!" she exclaimed and ran to him, embracing him as he began to shake and the other Erik laughed with realisation.

"Ohhh...so you meant him" Erik said, smiling as he bent down to pick up the fallen papers and Christine turned to him.

"What do you mean? What's going on?" she asked but before her questions could be answered a giggling man with a full face black mask came wandering out from a cupboard, not even taking notice of Christine.

"Hey Merik, I locked Erique in the closet" he giggled, pointing at the closet and a few muffled cries came from the closet. The two Erik's with Christine sighed and rolled their eyes, shuffling away slightly from the giggling man.

"Bloody Lerik's on morphine again" Dark haired Erik muttered to Merik and Christine stared about, attempting to get a word in.

"I know it's ridiculous really-how many syringes have we confiscated already?" Merik sighed, marching over to the closet and unlocking it.

Out of the closet spilled a ruffled looking man wearing a black fedora hat, dress clothes and full face white mask. He stood straight and fixed his suit, wiping himself off.

"Honestly that man needs to be chained down, preferably to a cannonball in the Atlantic Ocean" Erique muttered pointing at the now cackling Lerik who had locked him in.

"What?" the cackling Lerik asked, his eye sockets deep black holes staring down Erique who was now eyeing him with interest.

"Nothing, nothing...Merik? Would you happen to have a cannonball and a boat?" he asked and Merik shook his head with disappointment.

"No sorry Erique...maybe Petrie does?" Merik said shrugging and Erique shuffled nervously, looking apprehensive.

"But...anytime you ever talk to him...all he ever does is whinge" Erique said, pulling at his hat and dark haired Erik turned to look at him with amusement.

"You idiot just go and ask him. Gosh just be a man for once in your life. He's just a pissy little whiner, annoyed that he got stuck under the chandelier" he shot at him and Erique blushed.

"I know Gerik, why do we even keep him around anymore?" Erique sighed, leaning back onto a couch as an unmasked man came out from a corridor, a rat in his hands. He took no notice of Christine standing in the middle of all the commotion as he sat down next to Erique.

"Hey Deriko" Erique sighed and Deriko smiled, stroking the rat in his hands.

"How's things?" he asked, his eyes darting crazily about the room.

Christine opened her mouth to ask what in the world was going on as a man in a black and white suit, full face black mask and holding a blackboard walked into the room.

Holding the blackboard above his head he stamped upon the ground until the hubbub quietened and all the men and Christine turned to see the masked man pointing to the blackboard, which had scrawled upon it in white chalk;

"_Does anyone know where I left Don Juan again?"_

Merik sighed and walked up to a wall and pulled away an oil painting of the Opera House, revealing a cupboard containing a few roses, black ribbon, a ponytail pinned to the wall and a bundle of music scores. Removing the music scores Merik walked over to the silent man, shaking his head as he did so.

"Honestly Cherik, you really should take care of your masterpiece" he sighed with exasperation as Cherik glared at him, pulling out a Punjab lasso threateningly as he scrawled something quickly onto his blackboard.

"_Your hand at the level of your eyes if I was you"_

He shook the board before Merik's face who pushed it away with frustration, pulling out his own Punjab lasso.

"You idiot Cherik-we all have one!" Merik laughed and Gerik looked at Merik inquisitively.

"What does it mean to have your hand at the level of your eyes again?" he asked, wringing his hands nervously as everyone turned to look at him incredulously.

"How many times must we go through this Gerik?" Lerik cackled, smacking Gerik over the head and he glared at them.

"For crying out loud they never properly explained it in my version...you know I was deprived" he retorted, embarrassed as he walked to the organ and sat at it, beginning to play the Angel of Music lullaby.

Suddenly a messy looking man with his face fully covered by a seemingly grey dirty mask and wild long blonde mussed and knotted raged in, knocking over candelabras in anger and turned to the congregation.

"What is it now Petrie?" Erique sighed in exasperation and Petrie folded his arms angrily as he glared at them all.

"Who knows where the dwarf is? Haven't been able to find the bugger anywhere" he scowled and Gerik ignored him, continuing the piece louder.

Christine screamed in frustration and everyone in the room turned to her in confusion, arms folded, masks staring at her from all directions (exempting Deriko of course), seven men staring at her.

"What is going on?" she asked and Gerik sighed.

"Someone explain it to the little harlot" he sneered and Christine was taken aback; little harlot? Last time she saw him he was begging at her feet not to leave him.

At that moment another masked man entered, thin with dark hair and a mask much like Merik's. Seeing Merik though he stiffened and coughed, glancing at Christine and sighing in exasperation.

"Let me guess m'dear; you've come down here attempting to find Gerik and you're confused as to why there are over ten Erik's here to greet you?" He said, taking Christine by the hand who looked at him with confusion, relieved that someone had finally come to her rescue.

"Why yes actually...what is going on?" she asked and this Erik smiled at her comfortingly, leading her to a sofa.

"I'm Herik, formally known as Herik Howard McGillan. Your Erik is formally known as Gerik Gerard Butler," Herik said, nodding towards Gerik who smiled "That's Cherik Lon Chaney, the silent film version" he said nodding towards the Cherik with the blackboard. The black and white figure grimaced, scrawling something upon his blackboard quickly.

"_You'll find Christine that you and Gerik are far down on the importance level; I am considered the greatest Erik ever, my movie is watched by thousands on YouTube every day. I'm afraid you only rate slightly higher than that damned Deriko-he shouldn't even be considered an Erik-he isn't even deformed"_

"Hey!" Deriko yelled and he dropped his rat "Just 'cause I'm prettier than you!"

"I don't think 'pretty' is a word to describe it...ugly but not monstrous" Herik shrugged and Deriko scowled, gathering an armful of rats and storming out.

"Why do we keep him around again?" Merik sighed as he flipped through the score to _Il Muto_, scribbling in parts where more people could be hanged, tortured and general chandelier dropping activities could be performed.

"We could always torture him..." cackled Lerik and he began to creep about the room, singing lightly "Oho how that grasshopper hops very high! Very high! Very high! Very high! Very high! Turn the scorpion m'dear...very high! Very high! Very high! Very high! Erik is oh so very clever...Erik can read the newspaper backwards... Very high! Very high! Erik likes waffles...Does it look hot in the torture chamber, or is it just Erik...Did you know no two snowflakes are alike...oh hoho very high indeed! Radishes give Erik a rash..." he sang frivolously and with a gleaming look he turned to Christine "Fancy some cheese, now, Christine? Erik suddenly feels like cheese... Very high! We'll be so happy once you turn the scorpion!"

"What in the name..." Christine muttered, backing away slowly and Gerik took her hand.

"He's always like this after he's shot up...utterly drugged up to the eyeballs...you can't stop him now" he grumbled, rolling his green eyes as Christine looked curiously at him.

"Why are all of these men down here?" she asked, still downright confused at the situation, not a single thought able to pass through that empty space between her ears.

But before Gerik could reply they were interrupted by Cherik who was waving his blackboard in their faces.

"_I'm bored. Permission to throw the goldfish in the torture chamber?"_

"No" Gerik said uninterestedly to Cherik who muttered silently as he scrawled on the blackboard.

"_Damn you...bloody underwear model you are..."_

"Shut up or I'll snap that board of yours in half" muttered Gerik and Cherik quickly gave him the finger.

"What did he mean by 'Goldfish'?" Christine inquired as thoughtfully as she could and Gerik glanced down to those wide brown eyes and consistently blank expression, completed with her mouth slightly open.

"Never you mind" he said quickly and left to sit down at the organ which Merik had occupied.

"It's my turn" Merik grunted, shoving Gerik off the chair who in return whipped out his Punjab lasso.

"Will you two cut that out...it's giving me a migraine" complained yet another man entering the room, wearing a half white mask, business suit and one clown shoe. He stopped and looked at Christine in confusion.

"Hello?" she said nervously and he held out a hand which she shook.

"Erik Mulheim, otherwise known as Ferik" he said blandly and walked through to the next corridor, picking up a clown nose off the organ as he left.

"Frederick Forsyth's 'Phantom of Manhattan'...absolutely boring that man, he does nothing interesting whatsoever...completely lacking any character..." Muttered Erique as he pulled out a snickers which he began to eat, continuing to talk through his mouthful of food "I mean it's not as if he's wanted or anything...no one actually likes him...never heard anyone praise his ridiculous story except that goon Andrew-"

"Don't you start!" chorused Merik, Herik and Gerik-the three white half masks glaring at Erique who shrugged, pulling out a mars bar which he began to eat.

"He's a pompous ass...I'm not saying he did a bad job with you...but must say the fact that he's decided to write a _sequel_ of all things about _that_ particular Erik...well you must say he's losing the plot..." he said, now taking out a chocolate liqueur as he threw the mars bar wrapper over his shoulder carelessly.

"Such a pig..." Petrie said lightly, rolling his one visible eye as Erique looked at him.

"At least _I_ had the guts to kill...didn't get some midget to run around with my errands" he spat at him and Petrie shrugged.

"Well if you're proud of being an insane serial murder good for you...I had better things to do" he said and suddenly a Punjab lasso was around his neck, Erique eyeing him threateningly. As Petrie gazed around the room he realised every single Erik had his Punjab lasso out, eyeing him with distaste.

"What?" he asked nervously and Cherik finished scribbling across his blackboard.

"_We ALL are insane serial killers...you say it like it's a bad thing you coward"_

"Yeah" echoed all the Erik's except Lerik, who watched a fly buzz by.

"Fly away little fly...going to eat myself a fly...fly away little fly...fly away before Lerik eats you" he sang to himself, his black sockets following the fly.

"Freak" Gerik muttered and Merik turned to him.

"You can't say that to him...he's the original" he scolded his successor who looked at him with a look of perplexity.

"Yes...and he's completely crackers" he added, shrugging as if it weren't his fault "we're just the new and improved versions"

"Erik will hurt you very much if you say that again...you will die a horrid death...worse than this fly..." Lerik muttered as he ate the fly and Merik looked in disgust at him.

"How many times have we told you not to eat the fly's?" he sighed in exasperation and Lerik shrugged.

"I was hungry"

At that very moment a man awoke from underneath the organ. His mask covered his entire face but was made out of human flesh stitched together.

No one had spotted him up until that moment where he crawled wearily out from underneath the organ, a prostitute following him.

"Now how much do I owe?...let's see...500?" he asked, ignoring the surrounding men as the prostitute buttoned up her dress, tapping her foot impatiently.

"It's 850 francs" she said in annoyance and he gasped.

"Really! My word you girls are getting dearer every day-soon a peck on the cheek will be the crown jewels...my, my, you are frigid aren't you..." he said as he pulled out his wallet, sorting through bank notes until he found the right amount.

"Thanks" she said bluntly and turned to leave. The man grabbed her ass and she turned and looked at him.

"Nice..." he said "see you next week"

"Men" she sighed in irritation and walked out, stopping to look at Christine on her way, a look of sudden comprehension entering her face "You're that Christine aren't you? The one he always asks for me to pretend to be like...hmmmm...I should try curling my hair sometime," and Christine gaped at her in shock and the prostitute pulled a face "Here's a hint; don't pull that face ever again...it makes you look like a goldfish"

As the prostitute left Christine turned to face Gerik, understanding completely now as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Goldfish ey?" she said, unimpressed and he rolled his eyes.

"Christine..." he said in irritation but she shook her head and turned to Merik, who had been helpful for most of it.

"Who's that man?" she asked, pointing to the new man who stood looking about the room, muttering something about the benefits of London.

"Robert Englund's Erik Destler...Rerik" Merik sighed "He constantly has those hookers invading this place...a little creepy really the way he makes them wear wigs and makeup to look like you...oh well" he sighed and left her slightly disturbed by this lovely tibit.

Christine went to sit upon the step next to swan bed but something in the bed groaned and suddenly a blonde man with a full face mask with only the mouth showing, tumbled out of the bed. He was wearing a ruffled white shirt and gold vest and was holding a silver flute and book of music.

"Ahhh yes where was I up to?" he muttered as he placed the music on a music stand and lifted the flute to his lips but stopped as his eyes fell upon Christine.

"Hello?" she asked, overwhelmed at yet another Erik. He shook his head, ignoring her presence completely.

"No, I prefer them blonde..." he muttered then looked up "Merik! You know I prefer them blonde!" he barked and Merik turned to look at him.

"You know half of us do Derik...this isn't yours anyway...it's Gerik's" Merik said and the man shrugged.

"Oh well...I'll get her in the end..." he suggested to himself and began to play a slow legato piece upon the flute. Merik looked at the confused Christine.

"Derik-Charles Dance's Erik" he explained and though it didn't help Christine much Merik seemed to think it did and walked away.

Christine sat around, being pretty much ignored as Gerik, Herik and Merik fought over whose turn it was to compose at the organ as Petrie lit a cigarette, realising shortly after that he couldn't smoke it without removing his mask. Cherik decided to write some poetry and sat bent over his blackboard, whistling silently. Ferik entered several times looking for different odd objects, such as a clown wig and a music box, remaining the blank uninterested man Forsyth had created.

Rerik reappeared and disappeared with different prostitutes and strippers, which Gerik occasionally borrowed when he grew bored of Merik and Herik's constant bickering over who was the better stage phantom.

Sporadically another masked man (whom Cherik informed Christine to be Yerik-Yeston and Kopit's off-Broadway Erik) would join Merik and Herik's argument, claiming that Andrew Lloyd-Webber was a drunkard and that it was he that was the best Phantom. Yerik always ended by leaving in tears when Herik nastily remaindered him and no one knew about him.

Another Erik entered quietly and announced himself to be Susan Kay's masterpiece; Kerik, then always quickly left. This happened eight or so times.

Erique sat counting the lines on his hands as Lerik ran about the room screaming for someone to turn the scorpion.

"Turn the scorpion!" he shouted, two inches away from Christine's face and she rolled her eyes.

"No" she groaned in boredom and he jumped up and gown in frustration.

"Yes!" he screamed "Oh don't turn the grasshopper m'dear...beware for it hops oh so very high!" he began to scream repeatedly until Cherik knocked him out with a frying pan.

"_God how that man annoys me"_

So the madness continued to Christine's disbelief.

"Oh my fucking gawd!" came a nasal squeaky girls voice.

At that moment the entire congregation turned to see a girl around Christine's age standing at the edge of the lair. She was thin and was wearing skin tight blue jeans and a black ripped t-shirt emblazoned with a picture of a white mask, red rose and the words "Do you remember your first time". She had layered dyed black hair and wore a silver charm bracelet with mask shaped charms hanging off it. She carried a black shoulder bag and wore large silver hoop earrings.

"M'dear...what in the name of Lucifer are you doing down here?" Merik demanded with a horrified expression upon his face, his worst fears becoming a reality.

"OMG I'm like the biggest phan ever! I've seen all your movies...well I've seen you on youtube anyway Michael! And Howard! I've seen you onstage...ohhh you're all so lovely in real life! OMG Lon Chaney! He's even better in sound!" she gabbled as all the dumbstruck Erik's stared at her in horror. Cherik held up his blackboard, a look of fear entering his face.

"_!?"_

"I'd rather the angry mob..." muttered Merik. Herik and Gerik nodded as they collectively gulped.

"OMG you're so like cute in real life! Oooh can I have you're masks as a keepsake! Look at my tattoo!" she pulled at her sleeve to reveal a mask shaped tattoo on her shoulder; the Andrew Lloyd-Webber half mask.

"That's lovely" Merik said fearfully as he backed away slowly.

"What is that? What is she?" Christine asked, running forward to cling to Gerik who held her protectively.

"A..." Merik gulped "...phan"

The Phan turned to eye Christine thoughtfully, her eyes narrowing as she looked her up and down, seeing Gerik clinging to her defensively. An expression of horrified fury entered her face as she folded her arms.

"Christine..." she said angrily and Gerik pulled out the Punjab lasso.

"Don't worry...I'll protect you" he whispered quietly as he backed away from the crazed phan, like a dog backing away from a crazed feral cat.

"Bitch!" the phan screeched as she pounced on Christine, scratching and slapping and hitting and kicking as the two girls tousled.

Suddenly Lerik was awake and pulled the Phan off Christine in a second.

"Gaston Leroux's Erik..." she sighed in utter adoration, the fury of a few seconds earlier forgotten as she fainted into his arms. Lerik looked around the congregation of 13 Erik's and one Christine, the effects of the morphine worn off.

"If you'll excuse me gentlemen, I think I may take a leaf out of Rerik's book" he said simply, heading up to the swan bed, kicking Rerik's prostitute out of it, laying the phan down in it, grinning eerily as he got into the bed and closed the black curtains.

"See you in 15 minutes" he cackled.

Christine looked at Gerik blankly as the entire horde of Erik's went silent in shock and surprise. Cherik scribbled something on his blackboard and held it up.

"_Ew"_

"Ummm Gerik?" Christine tugged at his sleeve, Gerik still staring in mortification at the swan bed.

"Uh...yes..." he said uncomprehendingly and she gave him a worried glance.

"That morning that I awoke in that bed"

"Yes"

"Well I fainted right?"

"Yes"

"Well...can you tell me something"

"Of course"

"Is that where my stockings went?"

* * *

This passage with Lerik's talking about cheese, radishes, snowflakes and whatnot was devised by my friend Alicia. It made me laugh so much i had to use it. 


	2. List of Eriks Used

_Have had some questions and some don't recognise some less known eriks so here is a list:_

* * *

**_Erik's: _**

_Lerik_-Gaston Leroux Original Book Erik

_Cherik_-1925 Silent Film Lon Chaney

_Erique_-1943 Claude Rains as Erique Claudin

_Petrie_-1962 Hammer Horror film Herbert Lom as Proffesor Petrie (Erik)

_Merik_-1987 Andrew Lloyd-Webber Stageshow Michael Crawford

_Rerik_-1989 Horror Film with Robert Englund

_Derik_-1990 miniseries with Charles Dance

_Yerik_-The Offbroadway Musical Erik by Yeston&Kopit

_Kerik_-Susan Kay's 1990 book 'Phantom'

_Ferik_-Frederick Forsyth's sequel book 'Phantom of Manhattan'

_Deriko_-Dario Argento's "Il Fantasma Del'opera"

_Herik_-Howard McGillin in the Current ALW Broadway Show

_Gerik_-Gerard Butler in the 2004 ALW film


	3. Chapter Two

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**Chapter Two**

"Erik!" Christine groaned in frustration and four Erik's simultaneously appeared from behind clothes racks.

"Yes Christine?" they asked in unison, all except Cherik, who was scribbling frantically onto his chalk board.

"_Why yes Christine?"_

Christine sighed; she was shopping for a new dress for the next ball and was hoping to find something not so low cut that everyone could see the various objects she was hiding between her boobs. When she voiced this thought to Gerik he seemed a little...put out. But she couldn't tell whether it was over the fact she was forcing him to come shopping with her at the nearest department store or just the fact she wanted a dress that didn't show off her entire cleavage.

But something told her that most of the Erik's did not go out very often, always bossing about Madame Giry to go grocery shopping and whatnot. Because it seemed most of them had followed her and Gerik about the mall, eating ice cream, scaring children, smoking with Emo teens and sneaking up on any male with long hair.

So far she had spotted Cherik chatting up a pretty blonde girl standing outside Donut King ("So, how do you feel about deformities...?"), Lerik cackling as he spread petrol across the floor through the supermarket ("Turn the grasshopper why don't you?") but this plan to sacrifice shoppers and their irritating children came to an end when Lerik failed to operate the lighter correctly. Also Merik kept stopping to reprimand young people on smoking, swearing and general uncouth behaviour. Christine had giggled at this and pretended not to be with the masked singer, but it proved useless as there seemed to be countless similarly dressed men following her through the shop arcades.

"No, I was talking to Gerik" she said irritably; these men she hardly knew weren't even invited along. The one with the rats was particularly creepy; she attempted to keep her distance.

"Well why didn't you say so Missy?" Merik folded his arms and turned back to the rack of polo shirts in the menswear "Lerik?" and the man, twitching as he tried to figure out the lighter.

"Yessssss?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear behind his mask and Merik held up a mint green polo shirt to his chest.

"What do you think? Or is this shade of green a bit effeminate?" he asked and Lerik snickered.

"The fact that you're asking that question is more than a bit effeminate" he cackled, wandering off into the shoe department, exclaiming upon the sight "Ooh! Snakeskin boots..."

Growling angrily, Merik shoved the shirt back into the rack, folding his arms menacingly and glaring about the shop.

"Anyway" Christine muttered, turning to Gerik "What do you think?" she held up a long black dress in the style of Audrey Hepburn's in "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and Gerik made a face.

"Um" he said, eying the high neckline and Christine raised one eyebrow.

"Never mind the high neckline-just do you like it?" she asked once more and Gerik frowned stubbornly.

"You wore skimpy things all last year! Why stop now?"

But all he received was a slap across the face and Christine stormed off to the change rooms, grabbing some other dresses on her way.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey Lerik" rasped Deriko, holding a rat in his hands and Lerik turned to him, frowning.

"Yeah what?" he asked flatly and Deriko giggled, wandering off.

"Nothing..."

"Oi Petrie!" called out Christine and Lerik turned to eye her suspiciously, his hands running through his wildly messy blonde hair, in an attempt to ruffle it up sexily.

"Yes Madame?" he asked regally, his mood ever changing and Christine smiled, knowing she would make Gerik jealous.

"Would you like to come look in the lingerie section with me? I know you have such good taste and know what looks good on me" she asked sweetly and Gerik turned sharply around to glare at Petrie.

"And I don't?" he snapped and Christine smiled.

"No, after all those years spying on me you don't care what underwear I wear and prefer that I don't use them at all" she replied, her voice falsely sweet and Gerik blushed at the truth of her words, then suddenly realised the insult.

"Excuse you young lady! Spy? Spy!" he exclaimed "I am not some...pervert"

"Hey, you couldn't stop groping me all last year and I still have no clue where my stockings went that night" Christine laughed, taking Petrie and leaving for the lingerie section.

"Where the hell has Destler gotten to?" muttered Merik and Cherik fell to the floor, scribbling across his blackboard.

"_Probably with some whore; he's such a manslut" _

Merik nodded in agreement as Erik Destler, Rerik, entered from the department store's lift, hand in hand with a girl wearing a badly made curly brown wig, big false eyelashes, a white lace dressing gown and a post-it note labelled upon her top 'I am Christine'.

"Well Cherik, not only are you a legend but a psychic" Merik laughed and Rerik turned to glare at them.

"Just cause I'm not a virgin" he sneered and Merik laughed.

"Only cause you pay them" he turned to Cherik who nodded "You now pay hookers to follow you around dressed as various Christine's because you scared off yours"

"And where are your Christine's may I ask?" replied Rerik simply and Merik blushed, looking about for a witty comment to throw back at him; but there were none.

So, in desperation, he poked his tongue out childishly.

Cherik clapped sarcastically;

"_Oh snap Rerik...Merik decided to show his age and intellect by poking out his tongue-what a genius we have here"_

And simply, Merik grabbed Cherik's chalk, threw it on the marble floor of the department store, and stepped on it, crushing the chalk to fine powder.

Smiling, Merik watched as Cherik silently screamed profanities at him, and soon growing bored of Chaney's silent antics, he pulled out his black iPod and began to listen to some Chopin, ignoring Cherik who was inches from his face, giving him what is colloquially known as 'the finger'.

Meanwhile, Christine was desperately trying to explain to Petrie that she wasn't in fact going to try on lingerie for him, that it was only something she said to annoy Gerik. Unfortunately, the professor was having a hard time understanding.

"But, wait a minute, you said you were going to try on lingerie, that I had good taste" Petrie said, utterly perplexed and Christine groaned in frustration, putting her head in her hands.

"No, I said that to Gerik to make him jealous and piss him off. I have no intention of trying on lingerie in front of anyone" Christine said slowly and Petrie shook his head.

"Honestly Christine, my Christine was always so lovely and pure, not so riddled with deceit and lies as you are. Obviously it's what a modern audience wants, no one cares for the art of characterisation anymore, it's all sex and swearing and-" Petrie muttered in warning to the increasingly frustrated girl.

"Oh! Look!" she pointed over his shoulder, her eyes wide and she gasped "Wow! It appears to be Heather Sears in a bikini!"

"What? Where!" Petrie exclaimed, turning around and looking around "Christine! Heather! Where did you go!"

And Christine quickly darted away to the elevator, pressing any buttons, just trying to get away from Petrie as he ran through the department store screaming "Heather darling!" fervently.

Sighing with relief, Christine felt the lift lurch and stop, the doors opening onto the third level of the shopping centre. Stepping out, she looked about, wondering if she could escape the other Eriks; they were really getting on her nerves, making her appreciate Gerik a whole lot more.

Spotting a masked man, Christine paused, realising several things about this certain masked man. Firstly, he was sitting in the coin operated pony ride machine for the toddlers, with a maniacal grin upon his face. Secondly, it was Lerik, who scared her nearly as much as that rat obsessed Erik.

But before Christine could move out of his sight, Lerik had spotted her.

"Mademoiselle Daaé! How kind of you to join Erik upon level three!" he cried out wildly and the children in line for the machine looked at him fearfully.

"Mister," said one slightly brave child, a blonde little four year old boy "Why are you on the kids ride? You're too big for it"

"Erik likes the pony ride! The pony ride is better than explosions, or trips through the Bois or certain insects carved in bronze! The pony ride reminds Erik of Caesar! Go Caesar go!" Lerik cackled evilly and the child backed away, taking his mother's hand and led away to the ice cream store.

"Lerik!" Christine marched over to the pony ride and took his hand, pulling him from the ride as he whinged "How dare you go on the children's ride-these kids want a go and here you are, raving about explosions, grasshoppers and trips to the Bois!" she scolded him and Lerik hung his head in shame.

"Erik is sorry" he said and Christine smiled.

"That's good, now let's go find the others." She took him by the hand and began to drag him through the shopping centre.

"Oooh groceries! Christine let us buy some cheese! Swiss cheese! Oooh yes Swiss cheese! A big piece of Swiss cheese! Erik likes Swiss cheese! Want to know why? Huh? Huh? Cause it's holy!!!" and Lerik burst into fits of laughter, while Christine shook her head; she was shopping with a psychopath.

"Lerik, don't worry about the cheese-" she began but he cut her off as they entered a newsagents, Christine having in mind to buy a magazine for the trip home.

"Ooh newspapers! Did you know Erik eats newspapers for breakfast after reading them backwards and upside down! Erik is very clever" Lerik gabbled, nodding as he picked up a newspaper, attempting to chew off the corners.

"Lerik! Don't do that!" Christine smacked Lerik across the face and accidentally knocked off his mask.

The entire store went quiet at the appearance of Lerik's face, and considering that whoever is reading this is probably a Phan who knows exactly how the original Leroux Erik should look like, I don't think there is any need for a description.

"You knocked off Erik's mask..." Lerik said coldly and Christine bit her lip, paralysed in fear, knowing what would follow.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered, frozen to the spot as Lerik advanced upon her, everyone in the store staring at him, a baby now crying.

"Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes; glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Erik's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well, are you satisfied? I'm a very good-looking fellow, eh?...When a woman has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She loves me forever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know! Look at me! I am Don Juan Triumphant!" Lerik screamed furiously, grabbing Christine and throwing her to the ground, leering over her in rage as she stared at him blankly.

"You idiot, I didn't mean to take your mask off, it was an accident and I apologise generously" she said nonchalantly and Lerik's expression softened.

"Oh...well" he said, picking up the mask and fixing it to his face once more "I suppose that's okay then" and he helped Christine up, picked up a copy of _Vogue_ magazine, went to the counter, paid for it and the two left.

A handful of Erik's stood outside the store, staring at Lerik accusingly. Christine frowned and turned to Lerik, who shrugged calmly.

"Umm, what's the matter?" she asked tentatively and Cherik held up his blackboard angrily, glaring at Lerik all the while.

"_Did you take off Lerik's mask? Foolish thing to do missy"_

"I accidentally knocked the mask off and Lerik went nuts at me, but we talked it over and everything is fine" Christine said quickly and Merik frowned "How did you all know I removed his mask?"

"We know because we could hear Lerik's shouts all across the shopping centre; who else is going to be screaming for someone to 'glut their soul'?" Merik said and glanced at Lerik warily "What did you mean by 'talked it over'?"

"I explained that it was an accident and that I was deeply sorry" Christine shrugged "After that he just calmed down and bought me a _Vogue_"

The Erik's all stared at her in confusion.

"What? He just accepted your apology?" Gerik asked in confusion and Christine nodded.

"Yeah, much nicer than you, yelling and screaming, throwing me across the room then guilt tripping me" she said blankly and Gerik bit his lip in embarrassment.

"Sorry bout that" he muttered and she raised one eyebrow.

"Yeah, it's odd that the psycho Erik was more considerate and understanding than you" she shot at him and turned to the others "I'm going home, you guys are awful to shop with, I'll go shopping with Raoul tomorrow"

"What!" Gerik spat at the mention of his hated rival and Christine nodded "But! You came back!"

"Yes, it's only shopping" Christine shrugged and Gerik glared at her.

"I'm not leaving you alone with that fop!" he exclaimed.

"He isn't a fop!" Christine shouted angrily and all the Erik's began to laugh "and don't bring up his hair!"

"Fine, but tomorrow I'm coming with you, we can leave these guys in the caves, but I'm coming" Gerik said coldly and Christine eyed him warily "I'll be good, no punjabbing"

"Better not"

* * *


End file.
